friend: i got an A on my calculus test
friend: i got a hot boyfriend
friend: i had so much fun partying this weekend
me: one time i got four notes on a text post i made
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
friend: OH MAN
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
mom: do you have a boyfriend
me: um yeah
mom: does he exist
mom: does he know you exist
me: not yet
When someone wakes me up:
If you designs a pair of pants and don't include...
Meeting One Direction
friend: omg I can't believe we're going to meet them, face to face!
friend 2: eye to eye!
friend 3: nose to nose!
me: penis to vagina.
so. my uncle’s in the hospital and idk wtf is wrong. he’s “taken a turn for the worst” apparently. like, what the actual fuck. he’s not even 50 and pretty healthy. he had chest pains only 2 hours ago and now aljfhlofiulawkjneblwaiufv i am so confused and i’m shaking.
babarcriss: “yo ho, yo ho! a pirate’s life for me,” i whisper as i download music and videos illegally.
victoryjobs: SONGS I HAD ON REPEAT IN 2011 →...
Zero to Hero - HERCULES
changing in my room
me: oh, hi poster, didnt see you there
me: *pulls off shirt*
me: you like that, dont you, you naughty poster you
Jared: Before I read the pilot, I was sort of wary to do--I don't want to say a TV show, but I was wary to do any work at all. I was sort of living a great life with my house and my dog and my girl and my friends, and I was like, ehhh, you know?
Jensen: How much richer is your life now that you've met me?
Jared: I mean, millions of dollars. Oh wait--what? Oh, richer like quality?
Jensen: I hate you.